brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
