You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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