I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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