Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
