I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Your dad touched me again.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
