Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
