Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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