Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
