i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
