I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
