this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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