I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
