Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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