i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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