so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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