ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
