Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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