I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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