I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
