I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
