we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's blow job season.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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