Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
