and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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