I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
