do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Someone signed my nipple.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
