You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
