But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
