I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
