i think i have two assholes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
