you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
