Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
