I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
