Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize