glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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