I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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