I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
