I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
two words...techno handjob
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
