Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
