They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
