shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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