I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
