no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
