in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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