True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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