WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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