You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
