Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you will always have a special place in my vag
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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