Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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