I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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