He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
