Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
