I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
