Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
