Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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