What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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