jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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