Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
