Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
