If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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