Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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