..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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