Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
