So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Boobs are out for the taking
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
