My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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