On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
