Redeem this text for a blowjob
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Randomize
