You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
