my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
