Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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